??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
