At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
