I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
