She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
