did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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