Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
