My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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