while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
