I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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