I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
