i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
