Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
