you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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