return my video game
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize