i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
