The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
