It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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