Banned from zoo.
Again?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
