So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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