there's paper in my vomit.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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