it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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