So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
