I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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