so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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