dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
