I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
