There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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