hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs