Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

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  (347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl
  Replies (117) Good night (4423) Bad night (1470)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

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  (419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g
  Replies (17) Good night (942) Bad night (3313)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  The responsible thing...show them the break room.

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  (314): I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do? (505): The responsible thing...show them the break room. http://tfl.nu/55u1
  Replies (25) Good night (4119) Bad night (899)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now

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  (504): there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now http://tfl.nu/squr
  Replies (40) Good night (9212) Bad night (1318)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

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  (972): Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself. http://tfl.nu/6w0d
  Replies (30) Good night (5006) Bad night (844)
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  (650): View more from California

  how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

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  (650): how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths? http://tfl.nu/djnw
  Replies (15) Good night (5900) Bad night (791)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

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  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (6187) Bad night (776)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.

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  (765): Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack. http://tfl.nu/n2jf
  Replies (6) Good night (884) Bad night (1973)
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  (+35): View more from

  i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.

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  (+35): i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry. http://tfl.nu/d5vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1785) Bad night (1143)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.

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  (205): Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/g7ht
  Replies (6) Good night (3477) Bad night (809)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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  (705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5
  Replies (2) Good night (1638) Bad night (895)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.

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  (847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light. http://tfl.nu/vezf
  Replies (5) Good night (2638) Bad night (612)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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  (918): I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey. http://tfl.nu/6r6d
  Replies (15) Good night (1775) Bad night (407)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?

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  (512): well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...? http://tfl.nu/6jqe
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (456)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.

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  (419): Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down. http://tfl.nu/vl8q
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (212)

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