Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
