I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously