yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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