His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...