Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My friends, they love my intelligence
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
