So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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