She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
