I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
