I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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