plz talk dirty to me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
