I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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