I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
