Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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