I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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