I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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