is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
