so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you will always have a special place in my vag
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
