I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
