I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
