I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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