PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
