Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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