4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
