so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
