You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
