Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
