oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
