Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
