on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
