apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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