I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone came in the potted fern
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
