You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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