I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
