does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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