If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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