i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
