My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.