So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
