Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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(631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me. http://tfl.nu/ugtt

Replies (8) Good night (950) Bad night (1420)
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(425): View more from Washington

God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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(425): God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis. http://tfl.nu/n22o

Replies (21) Good night (547) Bad night (2175)
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(516): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before

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(516): I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before http://tfl.nu/l3md

Replies (60) Good night (764) Bad night (5060)
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(585): View more from New York

He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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(585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt

Replies (26) Good night (8020) Bad night (1305)
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(716): View more from New York

just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.

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(716): just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars. http://tfl.nu/fh2v

Replies (13) Good night (4467) Bad night (918)
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(530): View more from California

There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them

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(530): There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them http://tfl.nu/te5k

Replies (15) Good night (4590) Bad night (1637)
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(256): View more from Alabama

do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

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(256): do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?! http://tfl.nu/1fx5

Replies (12) Good night (6775) Bad night (1212)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.

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(843): Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW. http://tfl.nu/o3ak

Replies (9) Good night (3840) Bad night (891)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...

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(570): Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays... http://tfl.nu/ogn4

Replies (10) Good night (2288) Bad night (1114)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before

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(717): Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before http://tfl.nu/lay4

Replies (6) Good night (2653) Bad night (908)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.

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(843): To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming. http://tfl.nu/2tij

Replies (6) Good night (3241) Bad night (858)
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(214): View more from Texas

How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?

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(214): How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink? http://tfl.nu/kd28

Replies (11) Good night (2743) Bad night (645)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"

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(480): Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good" http://tfl.nu/cw6w

Replies (6) Good night (1334) Bad night (889)
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(347): View more from New York

Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed

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(347): Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed http://tfl.nu/rghw

Replies (2) Good night (669) Bad night (310)
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(360): View more from Washington

No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.

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(360): No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/06na

Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (272)

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