as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.