That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's a Shit stain on my heart
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
