Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
