she was so not down for the gang bang
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this just has baby written all over it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
