I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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