Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
