My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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