If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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