I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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