I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
