his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
