I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
