maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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