Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
