My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Boobs speak an international language.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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