He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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