1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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