I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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