You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
