my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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