Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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