Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Green mimosas i think yes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
