"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
