I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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