tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
