Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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