Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
