Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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